Issue 42: #ThePeople'sChampion- of Eli Porter, Ya Boi Envy, Bisexual Bridal Showers & Doin' eeeit

We got one question mayne, tell us, "who next?"
We dun Daryl Davis, he done gave us da best
Ya boi Eli don't rest, still he doin' eeit...
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Who really is Eli Porter and why did you laugh at him? One independent documentary appears to be seeking an answer to these questions; WilyMD attests that this documentary is exploitative in nature, from it's interviews with sarcastic ex-classmates, to intentionally oblivious bloggers who think Eminem is gangsta rap, to Anthony Milonakis for some reason and latte-hipster chicks who consider themselves to be Eli "fans," all transforming the film into an onion of absurdity he likens to the "Monster Parties: Fact or Fiction?" sketch from Mr. Show, while OneEighth attempts to convince his lesser half that it, instead, successfully produces empathy for Eli and is therefore valuable.

The Randals hash it out, attempting to meet each other halfway, advertently adding another stratum of insanity to the bedrock of this independent, two-part documentary that approaches the internet meme'ing of a high-school rap-battle A/V project leaked to the outside world as if any of it has the gravity of slowing down the Zapruder film, dissecting unreleased documents from the Nuremberg Trials and being the next Crips and Bloods: Made in America, all at the same time. Throw on your headphones at the bisexual bridal-shower you're attending and clasp onto your boi's shoulders from behind as tightly as possible, because the whiplash of tension and rage over who, is indeed, BOOLshittin' here will send you directly to the freakin' dental.

Spoilers: it might be Daniel "Corporate-sponsored Scumbag of the Internet" Tosh.
"Eenie meenie miney mo, I'm the pimp and you the ho." -Eli Porter (we love him so you don't have to.)
(Apparently it's completely acceptable for someone who aids in filling the Comedy Central coffers with slave-labor joke gold by laughing at regular people when they embarrass themselves on the internet, but when an Anita Sarkessian lies about how many digital strippers you're forced to kill for points in Hitman and some poor internet nobody comments, "hey, this bitch is making money off of blatant lies," that's harassment.)

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Do not follow WilyMD @thebardpedal, please just leave him alone